My life, a diary in the making.

As everyone knows we just got over the Easter holidays. What a great holiday it was we got to spend time with family and I went to several very good church services. As always there is some special song that hits me the right way and I end up feeling very thankful that I have Jesus in my corner. At one point I decided that I was all upset that Jesus died on that cross. The song that did it this year sang about my saviour dying for me, why I thought would someone die for me. He should have never been placed on that cross, He was an innocent man and I am not. Shortly after the weekend was over I kept thinking about the good Friday and Resurrection Sunday services. Then I began to notice the reality behind my own sick humanity, my nature that is so in need of a Saviour, so in need of someone to help me with this disease called sin.

So here I was thinking of Jesus on that cross, how I needed Him to be there. One of the churches that I visited was a catholic church and I thought to myself don't they know that He is no longer on the cross? Well sure they do but for that moment Jesus was on the cross. I needed Him, there I wanted Him there. Yes I wanted Him there, and any born again human, wants him on that cross. Yeah I look across the judgements and punishment laid on Jesus and see that the guards did not have to beat Him the way that they did, but I needed Him to go to the cross. I don't think the ridicule and spitting on Him was necessary but the walk to Golgotha, yes I am thankful that He made the walk. They probably did not need to rob Him the way that they did, but at least they did not rob me and still I am eternally grateful for His enduring all this for me. Why you might ask Would I say such a thing. That an innocent man would die for me and I would be happy and glad about it? Because before Jesus was on that cross, I did not know the father and he did. I was filled with this hateful, malice filled, drug addicted, immoral minded, thieving, lying, conniving, evil loving junk that kept me from living out the true person God created me to be. God said for years in the Old Testament times that He would solve these problems for me and I am glad that He did. Jesus coming to that cross means that I no longer have to try and make myself clean through the sacrifices on top of sacrifices that never really fixed what I had done but merely covered it up for a short time until I sinned again. It never got rid of the heritage of curses that were passed down through the generations of our family lines. So this i would say to Jesus when I see Him again.

Jesus I am sorry that I did to you the things that I did to you on that cross, but I needed you there. I am sorry that the men beat you and stole your clothes but I needed to feel better about myself and besides I needed your righteous clothes because mine were so filthy. I am sorry that Judas betrayed you but if he didn't I would have. I am sorry that I fixed the courts but I needed to make sure that you never got out of this some how. I am sorry that they made you walk that walk to the cross but I was not willing to walk it, maybe they should have not made you carry your cross but I was not going to carry it for you. I am sorry that they put those nails in your hands but better you than me. I am sorry that you were on that cross next to two criminals but I was supposed to be there and again better you than me. When you died, you died and your friends acted as though they never knew you. I am Glad that my friends did not turn away from me, I could not have handled the loneliness. I am glad that you were fighting the devil because he was always beating me up. I am glad that you went into hell and set the captives free because if it were up to me, I would have left them there. I am glad that you went and secured the path to heaven because I could never made that walk with the laziness that is in my bones. Lord I am sorry that after you died the people that were with you forgot what you looked like, I am sure that was humiliating. How embarrassing it would have been to walk the streets almost naked before people that praised you the week before. Once again I am sorry that you had to put the devil in his place but I would have never been able to do that. Lord I want to thank you for all that you have done, I am sorry for all that I put you through but I needed you on that cross, I wanted you on that cross, and no one else would have done it for me. So you were the candidate that the Father decided was the best person for the job. I know that in the garden if God the Father would have thought that I could have done it, He would have told you to not worry about the journey. One more thing I have to apologize for is those scars in your hands, I know they are the only man made things in heaven but I am glad at least they are healed, hey look at it from my perspective we have something else in common we are both healed. thanks Jesus for all you do, yesterday, today and tomorrow.

be blessed all.