My life, a diary in the making part 4.

So as you already read in the summer of 1997 I make a big change in my life and decided that I had nothing left to loose, so I gave my life to Jesus Christ. Well the next day at promise keepers was good I guess, but I was trying to figure out what was going on next. So we are coming home from Pittsburgh and when I finally get home I am standing there in the front yard with my bag and nothing in my hands but a huge mountain of problems from my past that I was carrying. Even though Jesus was in my life and I knew that the past was nonexistent, but the reality was that I was struggling with the same things that I was struggling with before I left. A messed up relationship, a messed up family, and a messed up life. Looking at the old farm house I knew I could not go in, I was not ready to face all these problems that I had. Besides what was I going to do with all the hate, anger and violence that had plagued me for years before? So I decided to go for a walk, I walked out to the back 40 acres and began to pray (talk to God). Unfortunately God did not give me any resounding speech this time, so what was I going to do? Well the idea hit me, why don't you go and buy a bible? I thought yeah that is a good idea, that will help. So I got in the car and drove to the mall. Inside I went to the book store asked the lady where the bibles were? She led me back to a rack full of bibles all wrapped in plastic. She is standing there looking at me and I am looking at her (she is not helping me and I am expecting some guidance). I said to her "how do I know which one to buy?' See there were thick ones and small ones and different colored ones. She looked at me like I was an idiot and said its the bible it doesn't matter just pick one, they are all say the same. So I thought, man Ben you are really dumb. Then she left, so standing there waiting for some big revelation to hit me I saw this bible down on the bottom shelf and picked it up it was open and looked like it had been read before. The pages were all ratty looking and the cover was all messed up. So I picked it up and opened it, the first page that I opened to was a commentary on anger. Right there I thought, ok that must be the bible for me. So I took that ratty old used but new bible home.

I got home and kissed my wife and told her what happened and that I had a good weekend. Sat down on the couch and began to read my new old ratty bible. First page read? Anger, God helped me to know that very night that I was allowed to be angry and man was I carrying a lot of that anger around. But I was to be angry at satan and what he is doing to the people here on this earth. Next article read was on hate, God said I want you to hate the kingdom of hell and all that it does, with all your heart (man that was easy, I had a lot of hate filling my life), And finally no joke the article on violence. It was explained to me to take the rage and violence out on the enemy. The enemy is in the spirit realm and not of flesh and blood. See these three subjects in my life had basically made me into a hermit. I couldn't walk down the street with hating every person I saw, I was angry with everyone over everything. My friends actually said to me that they did not want to be around me because of the way I was attacking people everywhere we went (my alcoholism did not help any, it just made me more mean). So that night I took the 3 things that had threatened my very life and God dealt with them immediately. No waiting, no well when I get around to it, or I will work out the problems somehow, no God said these things are going to kill you so I will fix them now and He did. All I have to say is thanks God because it was getting pretty bad at the Nobile house prior to you.